Pete is so cool. He embodies everything that everyone should try to be. He has supernatural powers. He can burn you with his fire breathing or ice you with his chilling stare. Pete also will employ advanced electronic devices to force you into submission. It is best to keep Pete happy.
The awesome universe is Petecentric. Since Pete is the most awesome object in the universe, all awesomeness flows around him. Although the slightly less awesome objects that orbit Pete do not do so in concentric circles. Their awesomeness waxes and wanes with their moods, causing irregular orbits. Pete attracts all objects to him, the gravitational force of his awesomeness forces him to exercise extreme agility to avoid the incoming.
Pete could use his awesome powers for evil, but he chooses not to. Pete is an awesome weapon for good in the fight against bad. One look at Pete and his aurora of awesomeness will diffuse any situation. Pete has many powers in addition to his awesome aurora.
Pete has the ability to breathe fire. He can shoot flames 10-15 feet from his oral orifice. Don't piss him off. He will scorch your ass and burn you until your blood boils and your heart explodes under the immense pressure.
Pete also has a chilling stare. Only one person has been known to match his icy glare. Jenny, his partner in goodness and awesomeness, has a glance that will freeze hot magma. Pete is quickly learning her technique and will soon be the master of the chilling stare. Be warned, it will give you goose pimples.
Pete koan
A bunch of people are sitting around in a bar drinking. They were arguing over the meaning of life and what the purpose of existence is.
Upon seeing Pete walk in, they were all enlightened.